Early on, I started off with bad choices. My first boyfriends was a Senior. I was a freshman. Even though the Jr. High and High School were 8 miles apart, to make the band big enough, the Freshman had first period over at the High School. I must have met him walking from the band hall to the marching field – he wasn’t a band geek like me. He was in FFA. Tall, lanky, with a cowboy hat. And he liked me. I started wearing Rocky Mountain Jeans and Ropers. I wasn’t allowed to car date, so we met at the county fair. And at the skating rink, where I had my first kiss. I don’t remember why we broke up, but it wasn’t devestating.

My next big relationship was my first real love (or so I thought). I kept the trend going – he was a Senior, I was a Sophomore. I dove into the relationship head first. My parents were working a lot, and we’d never been a very affectionate family anyway. Here was another person who would hug me, touch me, hold me, kiss me… I craved the connection. I wrote him countless love notes and poems. I called him relentlessy. One night I kept getting a busy signal, so I called every five minutes until I got through. Unbeknownst to me, I was kicking his mom off the modem every time. (This was before I’d even heard the word modem.) At some point, he broke up with me. I don’t remember why, but it didn’t matter, because we got back together.

Shortly after our reconciliation, I woke up one Saturday with an excruciating pain in my abdomen. I slept all day, and when the pain hadn’t subsided that night, my parents took me to the emergency room. Appendicitis was the diagnosis – immediate surgery required. He brought me flowers at the hospital. And it turned out it was only an ovarian cyst, nothing a little prescription for the Pill couldn’t fix.

When his car broke down, I started picking him up and taking him home after his shift at MickeyD’s was over. Usually, we’d cruise through the park and neck for awhile. That’s how I lost my virginity at 16 in the back seat of an 84 Buick Skylark.

Spring Break rolled around, and I decided to go on the Ski Trip with my youth group. I was desperate for him to come, but his family just couldn’t afford it. The night before I left, we vowed our love and lamented the looming separation. When I came back, he unceremoniously dumped me. At lunch.

I was heartbroken. I left school and went home for the afternoon, shattered (after I drove him back, of course). On the way out, I ran into a friend. She took one look at my face and asked, “What did he do?” The rest of my sophomore year is a blur, save convincing another boy from church to take me to the Junior/Senior prom. My ex was there with his new girl, even though we’d had numerous discussions about the two of us not going to prom because he couldn’t pay for it.

I didn’t know it then, but falling deeper in love than the one I was with, throwing too much of myself into a relationship, smothering my significant other, and being betrayed whenever I left town would become a common theme.

So, my hubby was out of town on business all last week. I did pretty good for the most part, but on Thursday night The Crazy started to creep up on me. We played Scrabulous on Facebook and chatted ’til after 9, and then he announced he was going to head out to dinner and hang at the bar across from his hotel for awhile. No worries, he’d done the same all week. I told him to call me when he got back. I was thinking he probably wouldn’t be out too late since his allergies had been bothering him something fierce.

When I turned the lights out around midnight (1 a.m. where he was), still no call. My dreams were plagued with images of him hooking up for a one-nighter. He called about an hour later, but by then I was more than half asleep and it was a hi, bye conversation.

I got to thinking the next day about why, after nearly seven years together, exchanging vows, and with no reason for me to doubt him, is The Crazy so close at hand. I know it’s rooted in my past relationships, so for your analysis – the path to my own personal ‘The Crazy’.

The Next Chapter

June 26, 2008

Mexico was amazing. SO did not want to come back. I asked my hubby if we could stay three more days, and if I hadn’t had a must-not-miss prior commitment on Tuesday, I seriously would have considered it.

Since we spent our actual anniverary day in Mexico, we didn’t do the whole eat the top layer of your wedding cake on the date, but I put it out to thaw as soon as we got back. It was actually quite tasty, especially when combined with a random bottle of champagne that I didn’t even know was in our fridge.

We also watched the video of our wedding, which I thouroughly enjoyed. I think I’ll treasure it even more after we have kids and our parents have passed on and they’ll be able to watch their grandparents dancing at the reception. So sweet!

So, now for the next great adventure – first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes… oh yes – BABIES!!! I’m going off the pill for the first time in 15 years. I think it’s going to take some time for my body to adjust, with the first big personal adjustment being that I’ll no longer have control over when my time of the month starts. Sigh. That was such a perk. Anyway, we’re not going to go all gung-ho, tracking ovulation and taking basal body temperature and what not, just gonna see what happens in the next few months. If nothing else, maybe getting preggers will give me something to blog about. It’s worked for ninety-bazillion other mommy bloggers! 🙂

19 Days

May 28, 2008

I’ve spend half of the day* reading Trip Advisor reviews on the Aventura Spa Palace. In 19 days I’ll be in the position to start my own review. Cannot. wait. Oh, yeah – it’s also 19 days until my one year wedding anniversary – kisses, honey! 🙂

I have the highest hopes for this resort; it’s all-inclusive, adults only, 20 minutes from Playa and just under an hour from Cancun. Built-in, two person jacuzzi tubs in all the rooms, that look out over the balcony, all of which have a hammock.

I’m so ready for a vacation I practically have one sun-burned shoulder out the door. It’s not really that work is bad right now, it’s just so… mundane. It’s the same boring thing every day. That should change in the coming months since I just got a promo to a new position (including a healthy salary bump), but first we have to back fill my position before I get to start doing fun new things.

*Other half of the day has been spent starting from the beginning of Amalah’s story. I’ve been reading her recent stuff the past few months, and decided to turn back to Chapter One. It’s interesting to see such a heavily trafficed blogger from the beginning, when hardly anyone was reading and no one was commenting. That’s what inspired me to blow the dust off of this here bad boy.

Before I met my now hubby, I was finally at a place where I was getting over a very bad, five-year long, off and on relationship. I had dropped about 40 lbs, and was ready to ‘put myself back out there’. The problem was, I didn’t know how to meet new people. I’d only dated the one guy all through college, and now I was out, working for a 15-person company. I already knew all my friends’ friends. It was 2001, and despite the stigma, I wasn’t too proud to give online dating a shot.

It was great – back then, you could still do 30 day free trials on just about every site, so I started trolling. And boy, did I pick up some gems. There was the one guy who was so friggin’ big, I was actually scared a little bit when I met him. (I didn’t require pics from the guys I chatted with – what was on the inside was so much more important – hah!)

And the guy who was in a roller coaster club and wanted to be a professional volleyball player. From my e-mail, he found the address of my company, and just showed up one day. He wanted to go to a happy hour that night, and I hadn’t responsed quickly enough to him through IM. After he left, my boss came through and asked, “What’s that smell?” Never a good sign…

I actually dated another guy for a couple of months. He treated me like a princess, something that had been seriously lacking in my prior relationship, so I thought that made up for his… eccentricities. We went to watch Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and I was concerned because he was Dyslexic. He said it was okay, he spoke Chinese. When I said, “No you don’t!” He said, “Well, I used to”. He also claimed he could hold his breath for 9 minutes, and despite a 30-minute argument with my friend would not concede that 7+4 did not equal 12. Once, when I didn’t go see him until a Sat. night when I had said we could send the day together, he confessed he had eaten an entire box of cheesecake snacks.

Riot Act

April 24, 2008

Last night my hubby, his bff and a friend of mine from college (those two are now dating) and I went to see the Kids in the Hall. The show was great, if a little short (about 90 mins). Bad weather was rolling in, and even inside the large amphitheater, the rolling thunder overran the mics a few times. The best was when, in the middle of a skit about an imaginary girlfriend whom Dave Foley was imagining was unfaithful, the thunder timed perfectly with Kevin McDonald imagining she’d been in a car wreck. Dave expressed the impressiveness of the sound effects, “Wow – great sound effects! It’s like you could actually hear the car wreck. I’m going to have to work really hard not to imagine a tornado right now!”

Enjoy Your Purchase

April 23, 2008

This last weekend we went out of town for a friend’s wedding. The day we left, I had to run to the store for some last minute purchases. I ended up at the checkout with three bottles of wine, three loaves of bread, a b-day gift card, a candle, and a 8 pack of D batteries. I bet the checkout lady thought my plans were much more exciting than they actually were…

Still kickin’

April 16, 2008

I think it’s a bad sign when it’s been so long since your first post that you’ve forgotten your wordpress username. Sigh. The thing is, I just honestly don’t feel like my life is nearly exciting enough to interest/engage an audience. I can barely keep myself up past 10 p.m., how do I expect to keep readers from falling asleep at their computer screen?

Well, right now this is more for me anyway (given the fact that I haven’t given this blogs name to one person, and don’t use it attached to my comments I’ve left on other blogs. You, know – both of them. Yes – in the four months since I made the giant leap into the blogosphere, I’ve managed to leave a total of TWO comments on others blogs. Another Sigh.

I think my biggest problem is I’m too concerned about being judged. Even in the online forum I frequent with my closest friends, I censor myself – I’m afraid I’ll come across too ignorant, too mean, too ‘trying too hard’. And these people know me – what if I leave a comment on a strangers blog and it comes across snarky? I don’t want to be that girl. Over analyze much?

Anyway, just thought I’d drop back in and at least put a few words down… I think the thing that’s going to work better for me is to jump in and make short posts when something strikes me, instead of trying to save it up and make a longer entry. I’m out of town all weekend, so my goal is to post again… let’s be realistic… by the end of the month. If I can’t make that happen, I might as well just start saving a Word doc to type in, because really, what’s the point?!

First Glimpse

December 19, 2007

Not having any idea where to start, I chose the beginning, which seemed somewhat logical. A number of the blogs I read have done A to Z’s recently, so I thought that might be a good place to jump off. And, that’s actually how I came up with the name of my blog. When I read back through the list, Q really stood out to me as being so true. I’m kind of plain Jane, but would love a little bit of cinnamon thrown in to spice things up. I’m not asking to go crazy with some super hot pepper, but just a little bit of the unexpected might be nice…

 Without further ado(adieu?) – my A to Z:

A: Anonymous. I’m not sure yet whether I want an anonymous blog or not… on the one hand, I know it will be a lot more interesting and I’ll be less reserved if it is, but on the other, do I want to waste all my fantastic wit and creativity on strangers? (kidding!)

B: Budget. My husband and I have just finished month one of the The Budget. We’re doing a class called Financial Peace, but believe me it has been anything but peaceful. In the second week, I learned he had about $3K in debt that I knew nothing about, and was paying minimum payments on another card with a low balance, but with a 29.9% interest rate. Shortly thereafter, he revealed he’d missed two boat payments, and an electric payment. Not too hard to see why I’m now the one in charge of finances…

C: Comments. What I’m going to have to start leaving on all the other people’s blogs I’ve been lurking on for the past year or so, if I want any hope of building up a readership of my own…

D: Diet. Sigh – the most offensive four-letter word I know. Given that I’m tipping the scales at my highest ever weight and have gained back the 20 lbs it took me eight months to lose for the wedding in only four months, something I will shortly be getting re-acquainted with.

E: Escape. The clock says 4:33, so I’m about to make my break and end this Tuesday the right way – with beer. Can’t imagine where those 20 lbs came from… Also – ellipses. Entirely overused, but a very easy way to end a sentence that you think needs lingering thought…

F: Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. Love me some Margaret Mitchell.

G: Gum. My mother was very fond of the saying, “A gum chewing girl and a cud chewing cow, are quite the same, but different somehow. Ah, yes – there it is – I see it now. The intelligent look on the face of the cow.” Model of supportive criticism, my ol’ ma.

H: Howdy. Invisible to you, but it’s been 36 hours since I started this list. To get to H. Maybe I don’t have as much free time at work as I thought I was going to have to work on a blog…

I: Irritated. How I feel most of the day at my job.

J: Jaded – should I really be this jaded already? I’ve only worked here a year and a half and already shrug my shoulders at about half the assignments given, because I don’t really believe they’ll go anywhere.

K: Kreative. Get it? I spelled it with a K. That’s K-razy!!

L: Laughable. The idea that anybody will be interested enough in my boring life to read even this far in my A-Z list.

M: Method to the madness. Anybody who claims there is one is only trying to cover up the fact that there’s not/convince themselves that there is.

N: Newbie. Technically I’m not one. I’ve done one travel blog already, but only b/c I was in Siberia for a month and wanted to keep all my friends and families updated with my daily goings-on. Unfortunately, since I’m still deciding if I want to be anonymous or not, I can’t exactly link to it to prove my writing prowess.

O: Obnoxious. Thin line between trying to funny and lauding one’s self at the same time. I’m much better at self-deprecation.

P: Painful. Hopefully this experience will prove not to be – for both you and me.

Q: Quirky. I wish I was. Vanilla can be a good flavor, but I’d much rather lead a cinnamon life.

R: Ready. To get the first post out of the way and see if I can sustain my writing for more than a week.

S: Supernatural. I only catch this show on the DVR, but I have the hugest crush on Jensen Ackles. Super cutie/Bad boy/me likey very much.

T: Tips. You got any for me on improving my writing? What are y’all interested in know about after this a-z glimpse?

U: University. I would love for my career path to steer me back to one. I just love the environment of a higher-learning institution. I don’t think I have the patience to be a professor, though, so ideally it would be in a more support type position.

V: Veritas. I took three years of Latin in High School, and only remember about half a dozen things I learned.

W: Water. I love, love to swim, to boat, the ocean, the lake, the pool, a pond. I wanted to a mermaid when I was a little girl.

X: X-Factor. Some people have it, some people don’t. I wonder if you can develop it later in life?

Y: Yep. This is it. The first post. Rah!

Z: Zanzibar. Haven’t actually been there, but I bet very few people end their a-z list with it, and I’m ALL about originality.